Merry Stewart, the “bride” in Lynsay Sands latest Scottish historical TAMING THE HIGHLAND BRIDE(on sale January 26th), has a tough time of it. She’s been waiting for her betrothed for quite some time, and, when he finally makes an appearance, she mistakenly believes he’s a drunk. Then, when she takes the reins on his clan, she’s labeled a shrew!

Poor Merry can’t catch a break. So, we decided to ask Lynsay for some advice: what should a modern woman do (or not do), if she should suddenly find herself in Medieval Scotland...

1) You should not train the men in battle techniques while wearing a dress.

2) You should not attempt to pry a maid from a drunk and randy Scot without a weapon (i.e., shield, pot, broom handle) in hand. And, you should use this weapon liberally, until such time as the drunkard has either passed out or left the maid and your person be and gone back into his cups.

3) You should probably keep any sarcastic comments to yourself, unless you know how to use a sword REALLY well.

4) Hope you are transported to someplace close to a lake (or loch, since it's Scotland.) It may be your only hope to bathe more than once every several months.

5) You should try to avoid going to the washroom as long as possible. Back then there was no such thing as toilet paper.

6) Make sure you’re on the Pill (LOL). I don’t think I have to go into detail about this. Hopefully, you will be so stressed out by your unexpected journey back in time that your time of the month will just disappear. We can always dream...

7) You should avoid walking close to buildings as people tended to discard the contents of their chamber pots on the streets without discretion.

8) Hopefully you don’t have an aversion to smells, as not only will you have to sleep beside a man that likely hasn’t bathed in a few months but your servants may never have bathed before in their entire lives... (shudder)

9) If you find you have a husband, there are certain rules when it comes to bedding. You cannot have sex during daylight hours, if you’re pregnant, if you’re nursing, during Lent, Advent, Whitsun week or Easter week, on Sundays, on Wednesdays, on Fridays, on Saturdays. Also, when having sex you’re not allowed to: be naked, fondle, kiss lewdly, try strange positions, enjoy it, and do it more than once. Oh...and you can’t have sex in church. (So essentially you can have sex on Monday, Tuesday or Thursday as long as you are fully clothed, don’t enjoy it, and are trying to get pregnant.)

10.) Don't drink the water!

(by Lynsay Sands)


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